Hello, human diary. It is I again, Mitt Romney, your better.
Today I met with former president William J. Clinton. My staff had noticed that presidential candidates who appear in the general vicinity of Mr. Clinton while he is explaining things appear to gain considerable support themselves, so we decided to visit with him in order to test the theory. I feel slightly more popular already, but we must wait a few days to be sure.
My schedule then led me to Vandalia, Ohio, as part of our new four-day tour of the state. I believe Vandalia is olde German for banker’s town. The Vandals were a proud and industrious people, and were pioneers in the fields of business expansion, hostile takeovers, and profit maximization protocols. I was therefore somewhat surprised at the rather small size of the Ohio version, but I suppose the Obama economy has been quite difficult for these people. (Note: Their chanting skills are sub-par, at best.)
This is to be the start of a four day bus tour. Nominally the tour will include the vice presidential unit as well, but we have arranged it so that he and I travel to separate towns whenever possible: A little of that fellow goes a long way, to use a modern colloquialism. He will not, for example, be traveling on the bus with me. I have made that very, very clear to my advisers. He can ride on top if the need arises, but that is the most I am willing to concede.
This week should be a pleasant one, Mr. Diary, and yet I am feeling sullen. I have still not gotten over my staff’s previous betrayal as to the matter of Mr. Bus. This newest bus is satisfactory enough, although I could do without the inclusion of my vice presidential unit’s name on the side lettering. It is of adequate height, and the other dimensions seem in proportion. Still, it is not Mr. Bus, the bus that I bonded with while touring a commoner fueling station, those many weeks ago. Knowing that these buses are merely interchangeable entities, like foreign policy advisers or vice presidential units, has sullied that relationship considerably. Still, I will give this bus a chance. A man should be judged by the manner in which he treats his vehicles, as I have repeatedly said.
In other news, we have now been “rebooting” the campaign on a daily basis, sometimes even two or three times in a single day. My staff finally explained to me that the term campaign reboot is meant as a metaphor, meaning to change the direction of the conversation. This makes me feel considerably better—I had thought it meant something else—but as a term representing the more standard business practice of proactive paradigm-shifting, it makes more sense. I have, however, asked them to refrain from using that particular term in the future. Perhaps there is some other term that would be better? Message rightsizing? Topic deportation? I will have to think on it.
Source: Daily Kos